Tre-Oh Today-Oh

On the day I arrived, I was nekkid as a jaybird. Here are some things I remember and reflect on during this journey.

1 – I potty trained quickly.
2 – I was a sick kid, and one of my earliest memories is of wearing yellow pj’s in an oxygen tent at the hospital.
3 – I have fond memories of footie pajamas and Sesame Street. I was either 3 or 4 when I first remember seeing my mother cry.
4 – We moved across the country to a place where we had no family.
5 – I started school kind of late in the year. I still remember the smell of my teacher’s perfume and the smell of the doughnuts we made in class.
6 – I got my first kiss from the cutest boy in class when it was my turn to hold the door for recess.
7 – I stopped telling my mom I loved her.
8 – I won a drawing contest for child abuse, and the prize was a helicopter ride. I traced some of the things I drew from a book.
9 – We moved across town this summer. I never got to tell my old friends goodbye. I hardly made any friends at the new school.
10 – I threw a spelling bee just to be cool.
11 – I still had no friends.
12 – I finally made some friends. When I talked to a therapist about them, I started crying.
13 – I had my first french kiss with a boy at my birthday party. I had invited his best friend to the party. I really liked him and wanted him to be my first kiss. I eventually got my wish about 5 years later. It wasn’t the same.
14 – My grandma died of cancer.
15 – Got my first job. I still hate the smell of grease on clothing.
16 – My dad fell asleep as I drove on the interstate to go get my driver’s license. I secretly hoped that he slept with one eye open.
17 – Fell in love with a boy that asked me to marry him. He broke up with me.
18 – Graduation day was one of the most surreal days of my life. I was in a fog, and not one that was chemically induced.
19 – I met SpyDad at a party, and he baked me a strawberry birthday cake with cream cheese icing a few weeks later.
20 – I started loving my mom again. She never said anything about not hearing those words from me for so long.
21 – Danced the night away with my friends. I was so sexy that night, or so the tequila shots told me.
22 – Went to Acapulco on my first and last spring break trip ever.
23 – Graduated from college with SpyDad at my side, bought a home, and got married…in that order.
24 – Laid off right before my birthday. I still went on a ski trip I was planning with some old friends. It was the best therapy ever.
25 – Our big house seemed so empty.
26 – GadgetGirl was born.
27 – Mostly a blur, but I found the time to write GadgetGirl’s baby blog. I was such an addict back then.
28 – Saw the boy I feel in love with at 17 at my high school reunion. That deserves a post in itself. Lay-off #2.
29 – Took a leap of faith that I am still hoping and praying comes out in the end.
30 – Woke up nekkid as a jaybird…and here comes SpyDad. He played hooky today!

Fuggit

I dropped off Gadget Girl this morning at Mother’s Day Out, and had to stop to fuel up because the “Fuel Low” indicator will not go off no matter how many times I swear at it. It’s almost like a game of roulette these days when it comes to filling up. $50 or maybe $75, who knows? Well, imagine my surprise when the pump stopped exactly at $60. The semi-laugh I muttered at how cool that was was almost enough to make me forget about about how I just got raped at the pump. At 20 mpg, that $60 lasts me just under 7 hours of driving time. What a freakin’ deal. I seriously need to dump this vehicle.

As I drove home, I passed a facility that I interviewed with as a senior in college. I wanted so desperately to work there, and they didn’t hire me. I remember that the plant manager was new, and he took me to eat at the country club. Everything was so fancy, and I felt like I was able to become a part of a world I had never known yet always wanted to be a part of. I realize now that country club dinners are probably more a part of his world than his worker bees, but I had eyes as big as pie plates back then.

I’ve been a WAHM now for almost a year now, and I’m not sure if it’s for me. I like staying home with my daughter, but I relish the two days a week that I get to myself. Wait, maybe that’s my problem. Maybe I just like the idea of staying home with my daughter.

I knew that if I stayed home that we would have to cut back. I think that this house we’re building has almost turned into a monster that I can’t control. I have no idea how we’re going to stay within the budget we created for it. We also didn’t realize that SpyDad commuting an hour to work each way was going to cost us about $1000/month in fuel. That’s a tough pill to swallow.

So, as I passed the facility today, I thought, “What if they just had a secretary job, anything, hell I don’t even care anymore?” I just checked their website, and they have one job listed. It’s a job similar to what I worked for four years, and a job I enjoyed. They didn’t give me enough to do back then, I realize, so I started a blog and screwed off a lot during the day. I still feel a little guilty about it. This job requirement has all of my former duties plus the duties I was hoping they would have given to me at my old job. I’m somewhat qualified for it, and I’m thinking about applying.

The problem is that SpyDad wants me to stay home. I’m just not really sure that I want to stay home. Crap, why do I do this to myself?

The end is in sight!

Is faith enough?

I found an article on this story while browsing Yahoo’s most popular news stories yesterday (which is one of my favorite things to do, but this is the foxnew$ link).

An eleven year-old girl in Wisconsin died when her parents chose prayer and faith in God over taking her to the doctor. She was ill for about a month “suffering symptoms like nausea, vomiting, excessive thirst, loss of appetite and weakness.” An autopsy revealed that “the girl died from diabetic ketoacidosis, an ailment that left her with too little insulin in her body.” It’s also a very easily treated condition.

The article states that the girl hadn’t been to a doctor since she was 3-years-old for “some shots” which I perceived to mean vaccinations. The parents read the Bible and belong to a Bible study, but do not attend an organized church. “The mother believes the girl could still be resurrected,” the police chief said. (Whoa, lay off the Kool-Aid, lady!)

I’ve got mixed feelings on this. I believe in faith and the power of prayer. There are times when the doctors don’t know what’s going on as in Susie’s case. So I continue to pray for her, and I have faith that she will get better. I respect a parent’s decision to not vaccinate or see a doctor regularly if it opposes their personal values or beliefs even if I don’t agree with it. However, if the child’s life is in danger, it is neglectful to not seek professional help.

I wonder if charges will be brought against these parents for having more faith in God’s powers to heal than I do. I couldn’t wrap my mind and my heart around it, so I talked to my pastor. He said that people have prayed for centuries for doctors to have the knowledge and ability to fight common and mystery ailments. We have the knowledge and technology to heal and cure so much more than we did a century ago or even ten years ago. If the parents were over 18 and made the decision to personally not seek treatment for an illness they had, then it wouldn’t be a problem. However, because the parents and caregivers were negligent of a child in their care, he believed that they were liable for her death.

I hope and pray that this family is not torn apart by their actions because they must be a wreck after losing this beautiful child. I’m still trying to wrap my mind around it, but I’m not going to hold my breath until she rises from the dead. What do you think?

Tell me the truth

You really only keep coming around because you want house pictures, don’t you?

These were taken two weekends ago, a day before the whole thing almost collapsed from 70mph wind gusts. Last week? Extremely shitty and ulcerous.

I’m definitely getting lazier. These are both straight out of camera. The next one is a little off kilter, and I didn’t even correct the distortion from my wide angle lens. Oh well. Sue me.

Evolution of the Green House

When we started this whole house building business, I knew that we had to be smart about it.  I’m not talking about how some cookie cutter home builders are smart by cutting costs every which way.  I’m talking about spending more upfront on things that will save us money in the long run since we will be living here for a long damn time, so help me God. 

In college I did energy audits at manufacturing facilities, so I know a thing or two about how we use energy.  I would have loved to do energy audits for a living, but it’s hard to find those kind of jobs in these here parts.  I’ve kept my eye on energy costs in the ten or so years since I’ve done those audits, and there’s one thing I know: energy is only going to sucketh more and more money from our wallets as the years go by.

Here are some of the products that we will be using:

1.  Rinnai hot water systems – The Rinnai instant hot water system uses energy to heat water on demand.  We bought two systems for point of use.  You waste water by keeping a hot water tank in the garage.  When a bathroom or kitchen is on the other side of the house, you go through a lot of cold water before the hot water actually comes out of the faucet.  One of our units will serve the kitchen and photo studio bath while the other will serve the laundry, master bath, and guest bath. 

2.  Solatube - These little tubes work even better than traditional and oftentimes leaky skylights.  I love them because they are easier to install, provide more light, and don’t attract hard-to-clean cobwebs because it is a closed system.  The Solatubes are great because you save energy during the day by not switching on the lights.  It’s also great for getting ready in the morning because you are seeing yourself in natural light instead of artificial light.  This is one reason why women are often dissatisfied with their hair color after leaving a salon.  It never looks the same outside as it does under tungsten bulbs.  I am hoping to put Solatube units in our kitchen, closet, master bath, guest bath, and office.

3.  Aluminum windows (local manufacturer) – These windows have thermally broken Low-E glass which helps to keep your home cool in the summer and warm in the winter.  We passed on the Argon because it tends to work better in northern states.  A lot of builders save money by buying the cheapos off the rack at Lowe’s.  It’s worth it to spend money on quality glass.  There are other manufacturers that offer vinyl windows, but anything that’s made of plastic has the potential to yellow or become brittle when exposed to UV rays.  Vinyl windows have come a long way, but I know that my aluminum windows will endure the next 50-60 years with no problems, save wayward baseballs.

4. Icynene insulation –  My husband installed this in one of his commercial jobs, and he was really impressed.  It’s expensive as hell.  It works by creating a thermal envelope that essentially cuts out air flow and drafts associated with traditional insulation.  The R-value of the material isn’t as great as typical insulation, so the savings comes from cutting out the drafts.  A fellow he knows installed it in a 5,000 sq. ft. home, and his total utility bill averaged about $80/mo.  Wow.  The commercial building has seen savings of about 15-20% over comparable buildings, so it may not be as energy efficient as we first thought.  We are thinking about putting a 3-inch batt over the Icynene material to improve the R-value.

It’s fun for me to talk about this stuff again.  I’m sure most of you quit reading at the first paragraph, but I think our wasteful American mindset will soon be a thing of the past.  We can only handle $60 gas fill-ups and $350 air conditioning bills for so long until something gives.  We need to watch our energy consumption just as much as we watch our food consumption.  If that means that we have to give up some square footage to pay for expensive energy improvements, then so be it.

Imagination

GadgetGirl just held up her sippy cup* and exclaimed, “Ha ha.  Car wash!”

 I thought it was a little weird, but when I looked up I saw what she was talking about, my heart soared knowing that the observation my daughter just made was nothing short of brilliant.

   * Yes she can handle the cup without a lid, but she likes to use the little disposable ones…that I reuse and don’t dispose of.

Sick of it

How do I feel about healthcare these days?  Well, we have an HMO that we spend about $600 out of pocket for each month.  Since we moved, I neglected to find a new health care provider for my family because I had a hard time picking out a great caregiver BY THE SOUND OF THEIR NAME.

I didn’t mind paying the extra because I hoped to get pregnant last year, and the thought of paying $15 to have a baby sounded so awesome.  Nevermind the fact that we spent more in premiums than we would have by just paying lower PPO premiums and 20% of the hospital bill.  But I didn’t get pregnant, and I’m not pregnant (just took a test tonight if you’re wondering).  So we pay out the bunghole for medical care that we rarely use.

Last week I got a letter from our provider that Gadget Girl’s internal germ welfare spectacle from last month was not covered because we didn’t get authorization.  Please do not pass Go, and cough up $175 thankyouverymuch.  I took care of that with a quick call to the old pediatrician, and soon remembered that the same thing would probably happen with my own respiratory freakness from a few weeks ago.  It happened seven days after we switched to local caregivers, and the name selection did not work in my favor because there were no appointments available for the day.  So, I went to an urgent care facility and sat on my arse for three hours.  Dahyumn.

Anyhow, I called my new doctor to figure out if I could get authorized for my trip to urgent care.  Nope, not unless I am established.  I asked her if I could make an appointment, and she said she had an opening in late March.  What the freakin’ hell?  Of course, my saving grace was that I could see any of the doctors in the office, so how is Friday at 2?  

GadgetGirl had a bad fever last night, and I was in denial that she had something that ibuprofen, a lot of sleep, and chicken soup couldn’t cure.  She was feeling a little better this morning, which made me happy.  I went to my joke of a doctor’s appointment where he listened to my heart and my lungs and probably charged my insurance company $150 for it.  I ended up talking to my nurse about GadgetGirl because she was getting very cranky and irate at that point, and OHMYGOD is that spinal fluid coming out of her ear?  She then suggested that I do not pass Go and get thee butt to the doctor pronto.  I called her new doctor, and they were very pleasant on the phone and agreed to authorize me to take her to the urgent care clinic because they didn’t have any appointments available for like the next year.  I took her in, and waited for about 30 minutes when a nurse came over to us specifically and asked if GadgetGirl was okay.  She said she didn’t look like she felt good and took her hands, which I already knew felt like ice cubes.  The nurse didn’t seem concerned until I told her that she was burning up like the heat from a thousand suns.  She felt her head and asked us to come back and take her temp. 

103 freakin degrees.  I am a shit mother.

We got a room, and they administered some more Tylenol and a cold Coke.  I thought the Coke was weird, but they said it was to cool her down.  I guess I really have weaned myself off of soda.  I don’t let GadgetGirl drink it much either.

This is really dragging out, but one negative flu and one positive strep test later, we have a diagnosis.  Don’t even get me started about the hour I spent in Wal-Mart waiting on her prescription. I just don’t know how any President thinks that they are going to make healthcare better. Maybe they know that it just can’t get much worse.

Just be

As I lay quietly in bed last night, I felt a hand snake its way from the back of my neck to its final resting place on the side of my neck directly over the jugular.  It was warm and chubby and calming.  I was getting cuddled by a three-year-old. 

I listened to the quiet raspiness of her breathing as she tried to drift off to sleep.  In and out, in and out; like the roll of the ocean waves on a sunny spring day.  I wasn’t tired, which is the unfortunate predicament I find myself in these last few evenings.  Every night my brain runs a race it cannot quite finish until I somehow find sleep hours later.

As I lay there in that moment, a calmness washed over me.  A singular thought invaded the chalkboard in my mind, and I could see it just as clearly as I felt it.  You can have your Paris, your Rome, and your Italy.  At that moment, there was no other place I wanted to be more than right there in that moment.

Why meth labs owners shouldn’t breed puppies

I was browsing Petfinder.com again yesterday, and I found some of the funniest looking dogs I have seen.   Surely, the owners had no clue that the whole in the fence would result in such a odd looking pup.  Maybe if they had tended to their fence mending duties instead of their meth making duties, this wouldn’t have happened.

 

This is a cross between a Pekingese and a dachshund. His little face made laugh!  Unfortunately, dogs who look like this have a long time a’comin before adoption. 

 

originally uploaded by Undercover Mutha.

 

This sad little guy is a Yorkie and dachshund cross.  I have never seen such a furry dachshund or such a sad little Yorkie.  These are breeding combinations that I don’t think God intended to happen.

originally uploaded by Undercover Mutha.

 

 originally uploaded by Undercover Mutha.

 

Sadly, this two-headed little Chihuahua pooch was on the wrong end of a meth batch gone bad.

 

originally uploaded by Undercover Mutha.

 

 In truth, as funny looking as these little ones are, their predicament is not funny.  There are hundreds, if not thousands of homeless pets across the county in your local shelters looking for homes instead of the gas chamber.  Please consider adopting a pet from the kill shelters or petfinder.com instead of heading to the local puppy mill.  And please spay and neuter your pets if you haven’t already.