Poetic Injustice

I keep in touch with a co-worker from my former job as a supervisor. Well, she keeps in touch by sending me about two email forwards a day. I’m not really into those kind of emails, but at least it gives me an excuse to ask how things are going every once in awhile. Here was her latest reply.

“Same old, except {your former boss} is no longer with the company. He quit to go
into business with a friend.”

So, this asshole that made my life hell and turned it upside down ended up leaving? It made my stomach churn. But you know what? Nothing has changed there. It’s just as stressful for my replacement as it was for me. Nothing has changed…except for me. This all happened for a reason, and I know that this is where I’m supposed to be, right here and right now.

Happy Earthday!

Well, I have to wish the Earth a Happy Earthday today. It’s also my brother’s birthday as well as my grandfather’s birthday. Isn’t it so much easier to remember dates like that when they’re all on the same day? From now on, everyone should celebrate major birthdays, anniversaries, graduations, and minor medical procedures on major holidays. It would do everyone else a big favor!

I was farting around on the net today when I clicked on Terrapass.com. I really don’t buy into the whole carbon credit craze. I think that comes from my simplistic penny pinching nature. I think we should all work on reducing our footprint or impact on the planet, but carbon credits almost remind me of paying tithes for a sin just before you step foot into a brothel.

Okay, so this isn’t 1814, it’s 2008. We live in an overcrowded, materialistic, overtaxed, gasoline-guzzling, polluted country that likes to give it’s children cheap toys from China laden with lead paint. Something has to give eventually, doesn’t it? Children don’t need 5,000 toys. If we spend the same amount of money on 10 quality Made in the USA (or insert your country here) age appropriate toys, then we’re supporting jobs, our economy, and a sense of ownership and responsibility in our children. Ownership and responsibility in our children? You try paring down your wares to 10 items see how your sense of ownership and responsibility for those items skyrockets.

We are becoming a disposable nation. Our landfills are full. Our vehicles don’t last more than 6 years. Can’t find something? Buy another. It’s a vicious trend, and it’s all occurred in the last few decades. Long gone are the days of doing without or repurposing items over and over again.

We crave new because we think it is better. Our economy, our children, and our Earth suffers for it.

Well, I don’t know where those last few paragraphs came from. I suppose I had an inner soapbox struggling to get out! So back to terrapass.com…

I’ve written before about my quest to include energy efficient technology into the home we are building. My brother-in-law, who is quite insane, or at least just drives everybody in the family insane, sent me a link (that I appear to have deleted) to a company selling light switches that turn off all electric appliances in a room. This helps to eliminate the drain that electrical appliances have while plugged in…even while they are turned off. The theory was great, but the price tag was absolutely nauseating. I think the cheapest starter package they offered was $2,000. Terrapass has some links to purchase a various green products, and the one that caught my eye the most was the Smart Strip surge protector. For $32.95, you can rest assured that your 52-inch flat screen is not sucking out any more money from your wallet than it has to when you finally figure out a way to get it home. It’s also ingenious for computer energy waste. I have three power strips at my computer desk alone, just to handle all of the huge transformers that come with peripherals these days. As an added bonus to getting a smart strip, you can rest assured that thousands of dollars worth of equipment is protected from those nasty electrical surges and storms.

Well, I hope you all have a very Happy Earthday. I think I shall spend it offline today, and maybe go plant a tree…or maybe a vegetable garden. Okay, so if you know me, I’m more likely to plant my ass on the couch in front of the TV. But the outdoors are definitely calling my name today.

Food for thought

Thank you so much for all your warm birthday wishes. Turning 30 was so easy and so hard at the same time. I had many fabulous moments, but did I just sleep through most of my twenties? Where was the adventure, the trips to Dubai, and the swimming with the dolphins? Okay, so maybe it’s enough that I live vicariously through Kalki. But still, am I just wasting this precious gift of life I’ve been given?

I found this quote on a blog I visited for the first time this week. The blog author shared this quote, and I think it was something my heart needed to hear. Perhaps it will become my mantra in my 30’s.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous,
talented and fabulous?
Actually who are we not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small doesn’t serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine as children do.
We were born to make manifest
the glory of God that is within us.
It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone.
And when we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other people
permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.

- Marianne Williamson

Tre-Oh Today-Oh

On the day I arrived, I was nekkid as a jaybird. Here are some things I remember and reflect on during this journey.

1 – I potty trained quickly.
2 – I was a sick kid, and one of my earliest memories is of wearing yellow pj’s in an oxygen tent at the hospital.
3 – I have fond memories of footie pajamas and Sesame Street. I was either 3 or 4 when I first remember seeing my mother cry.
4 – We moved across the country to a place where we had no family.
5 – I started school kind of late in the year. I still remember the smell of my teacher’s perfume and the smell of the doughnuts we made in class.
6 – I got my first kiss from the cutest boy in class when it was my turn to hold the door for recess.
7 – I stopped telling my mom I loved her.
8 – I won a drawing contest for child abuse, and the prize was a helicopter ride. I traced some of the things I drew from a book.
9 – We moved across town this summer. I never got to tell my old friends goodbye. I hardly made any friends at the new school.
10 – I threw a spelling bee just to be cool.
11 – I still had no friends.
12 – I finally made some friends. When I talked to a therapist about them, I started crying.
13 – I had my first french kiss with a boy at my birthday party. I had invited his best friend to the party. I really liked him and wanted him to be my first kiss. I eventually got my wish about 5 years later. It wasn’t the same.
14 – My grandma died of cancer.
15 – Got my first job. I still hate the smell of grease on clothing.
16 – My dad fell asleep as I drove on the interstate to go get my driver’s license. I secretly hoped that he slept with one eye open.
17 – Fell in love with a boy that asked me to marry him. He broke up with me.
18 – Graduation day was one of the most surreal days of my life. I was in a fog, and not one that was chemically induced.
19 – I met SpyDad at a party, and he baked me a strawberry birthday cake with cream cheese icing a few weeks later.
20 – I started loving my mom again. She never said anything about not hearing those words from me for so long.
21 – Danced the night away with my friends. I was so sexy that night, or so the tequila shots told me.
22 – Went to Acapulco on my first and last spring break trip ever.
23 – Graduated from college with SpyDad at my side, bought a home, and got married…in that order.
24 – Laid off right before my birthday. I still went on a ski trip I was planning with some old friends. It was the best therapy ever.
25 – Our big house seemed so empty.
26 – GadgetGirl was born.
27 – Mostly a blur, but I found the time to write GadgetGirl’s baby blog. I was such an addict back then.
28 – Saw the boy I feel in love with at 17 at my high school reunion. That deserves a post in itself. Lay-off #2.
29 – Took a leap of faith that I am still hoping and praying comes out in the end.
30 – Woke up nekkid as a jaybird…and here comes SpyDad. He played hooky today!

Fuggit

I dropped off Gadget Girl this morning at Mother’s Day Out, and had to stop to fuel up because the “Fuel Low” indicator will not go off no matter how many times I swear at it. It’s almost like a game of roulette these days when it comes to filling up. $50 or maybe $75, who knows? Well, imagine my surprise when the pump stopped exactly at $60. The semi-laugh I muttered at how cool that was was almost enough to make me forget about about how I just got raped at the pump. At 20 mpg, that $60 lasts me just under 7 hours of driving time. What a freakin’ deal. I seriously need to dump this vehicle.

As I drove home, I passed a facility that I interviewed with as a senior in college. I wanted so desperately to work there, and they didn’t hire me. I remember that the plant manager was new, and he took me to eat at the country club. Everything was so fancy, and I felt like I was able to become a part of a world I had never known yet always wanted to be a part of. I realize now that country club dinners are probably more a part of his world than his worker bees, but I had eyes as big as pie plates back then.

I’ve been a WAHM now for almost a year now, and I’m not sure if it’s for me. I like staying home with my daughter, but I relish the two days a week that I get to myself. Wait, maybe that’s my problem. Maybe I just like the idea of staying home with my daughter.

I knew that if I stayed home that we would have to cut back. I think that this house we’re building has almost turned into a monster that I can’t control. I have no idea how we’re going to stay within the budget we created for it. We also didn’t realize that SpyDad commuting an hour to work each way was going to cost us about $1000/month in fuel. That’s a tough pill to swallow.

So, as I passed the facility today, I thought, “What if they just had a secretary job, anything, hell I don’t even care anymore?” I just checked their website, and they have one job listed. It’s a job similar to what I worked for four years, and a job I enjoyed. They didn’t give me enough to do back then, I realize, so I started a blog and screwed off a lot during the day. I still feel a little guilty about it. This job requirement has all of my former duties plus the duties I was hoping they would have given to me at my old job. I’m somewhat qualified for it, and I’m thinking about applying.

The problem is that SpyDad wants me to stay home. I’m just not really sure that I want to stay home. Crap, why do I do this to myself?

The end is in sight!