Well, it only took four days for my former employer to call me up asking for help.
“So Mutha, I’m going to transfer you to FartFace because he has a question for you.”
“Hello? You had a question for me?”
“Yes, I need to add something to one of your databases. Where is the database?”
“Open the I drive.”
“I drive? Is that the share drive?”
“Nope, that’s the S drive, youdumbmutha… that’s worked there for 10 years and should know better.”
“I don’t have the I drive. (Two minutes pass.) Oh, here it is!”
The rest of the conversation didn’t fare much better, so I’ll spare you. So you’re probably thinking that I should charge for any services rendered after getting a boot to the ass and no wave goodbye. Well, the HR lady keeps telling me “You’re still an employee of this company until your severance is paid out. Blah, blah, blah.” So I’m going to take that baby in a lump sum and run. When they call up after that, I’ll charge them my “$500/hr now who’s taking it up the arse?” consulting fee.
Hi, my name is Mutha, and I have a plan – one that may involve baking chocolate cupcakes this afternoon. But it’s still a plan.
September 15, 2006 at 3:00 pm
That chocolate cupcake plan sounds AWESOME.
As for the bitchy HR lady…I think I’d be telling her, “No, actually, if I were still an employee, it’d be called a PAYCHECK, not SEVERANCE PAY.”
September 15, 2006 at 3:06 pm
You’re right! I think I shall go make some now…
Bwahahaa! I’ll have to forward that one to her…after my check is in-hand. God love ya, woman.
September 16, 2006 at 5:54 am
WHAT?! They still call you and ask you questions?!?! You people in *insert where you live* are WAAAY to nice. It must be a Southern thing. Here in CA we say KISS.MY.ASS. when we’re laid off. I’ve yet to be laid off but you can bet if the Hubs lays me off, I’m telling him to kiss my pasty white butt
September 16, 2006 at 1:58 pm
That would seriously piss me off. Do you have caller ID? If so, don’t answer the phone when they call. And if they comment on the fact that you never answer the phone, remind them that, um, you’re out LOOKING FOR A NEW JOB. FUCKERS.
Also, I like your new look here. I keep forgetting to say that in my comments.
September 17, 2006 at 12:25 am
Suzie – Woman, you kill me. WE ARE way too nice. You hit that on the head. The guy needing the information never did me any favors. He constantly argued with me. If the Hubs lays you off, um, can I get pictures of that? HA!
Kalki – I do have caller ID, and the number comes in unknown because they use a PBX system. After I answered that call, I immediately thought the same – never answer those type of calls again! And I’ll definitely be stealing that comeback should I ever make that mistake again.
Thank you for the compliment. I’m kind of in limbo land on what I like. Most of the WordPress templates have tiny text, and this one won me over because it was way easier to read. But who knows, maybe I’ll change my mind again. Lord knows that I have enough time on my hands now.
September 17, 2006 at 10:48 pm
Oh man, no way I’d be helping them. They have no right to ask for your help while you are being paid your severence. That’s just not right.
September 18, 2006 at 1:54 pm
I like your plan.
September 18, 2006 at 9:34 pm
Lady, I am so sorry! If they had the balls to call me and ask for help I’d be telling them about different things they could do to themselves in place of my help…hehe. What crap.
Hang in there.
September 19, 2006 at 2:22 pm
I agree with kalki. You can’t answer their calls because you’re too busy looking for a job. Fk’em.
September 20, 2006 at 2:30 pm
Mainline Mom – Agreed. It’s not right at all!
William – I shall continue forth, then.
Redhead Mommy – I will keep that in mind…until after the severance is paid. The hanging is commencing.
Laura – Heh heh. That’s the truth. I figured I’d be relaxing and unwinding right now, but I’m completely the opposite.
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